A Biblical Perspective on Divorce and Remarriage
By Amy Pavlovik
Amid many strongly conflicting theories on an extremely sensitive topic--divorce and remarriage--many people are confused. But the Bible gives clear principles on this issue. What does it say?
1. Marriage is a binding covenant before God. "Yet she is thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant. And did not He make one?" Malachi 2:14, 15. "For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth." Romans 7:2. Whether you were married by a pastor or in a courthouse, your marriage vow is sacred and binds you before God.
2. Christians are not free to divorce simply at will. "The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause? And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away? He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so." Matthew 19:3-8.
"It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement: But I say unto you...." Matthew 5:31, 32.
Although Moses allowed the Israelites to divorce more freely, this was not God's original plan.
3. "Incompatibility" is not biblical grounds for divorce. Paul says that even serious differences in religious matters do not justify divorce.
"But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him." 1 Corinthians 7:12, 13.
"Because the Lord hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant. And did not he make one?... Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth. For the Lord, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away." Malachi 2:14-16. Divorcing one's spouse at pleasure is an act of treachery against him or her, and it is a serious sin in God's sight.
4. The Bible gives only one condition under which divorce is acceptable in God's eyes.
"And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery." Matthew 19:9.
"But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery." Matthew 5:32.
The violation of the marriage bed is the only cause for which God gives the innocent spouse the right to divorce. He does not command that the innocent spouse must divorce, but gives him or her that option.
Divorce, other than for adultery, is treachery and God hates it (Malachi 2:14-16). It is done by those with hard hearts (Mark 10:5). It is against Jesus' command not to put asunder what God has joined together (Mark 10:9). It places the other spouse under strong temptation to commit adultery (Matthew 5:32). Clearly it is sin.
5. The adultery of one's spouse is also the only biblical grounds for remarriage, aside from the death of one's spouse (Romans 7:2, 3).
Jesus said that if one divorces and remarries for any cause other than the adultery of his spouse, he commits adultery. This is because, in God's eyes, he is still married to his first spouse.
Ellen White Comments:
"Nothing but the violation of the marriage bed can either
break or annul the marriage vow….
"God gave only one
cause why a wife should leave her husband, or the husband leave his wife, which
was adultery. Let this ground be prayerfully considered." The Adventist Home, 341, 342.
"A woman may be legally divorced from her husband by the laws of the land and yet not divorced in the sight of God and according to the higher law. There is only one sin, which is adultery, which can place the husband or wife in a position where they can be free from the marriage vow in the sight of God. Although the laws of the land may grant a divorce, yet they are husband and wife still in the Bible light, according to the laws of God.
"I saw that Sister _____, as yet, has no right to marry another man; but if she, or any other woman, should obtain a divorce legally on the ground that her husband was guilty of adultery, then she is free to be married to whom she chooses." Ibid. 344
Questions and Answers About Divorce and Remarriage
1. If your spouse, without biblical grounds, has divorced you against your will, are you free to remarry?
No. "Whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery." Matthew 5:32. In what sense would a man who divorces his wife cause her to commit adultery? In that he places strong temptation on her to remarry. By remarrying, she and her new partner would be committing adultery. "Whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery." Matthew 5:32. See also Matthew 19:9 and Luke 16:18.
Ellen White Comments:
"You are a married man, father of
two children. If your wife has obtained a divorce from you, that does not leave
you free to marry again, as I read my Bible. . . ." Testimonies on Sexual Behavior, Adultery, and Divorce, 207, 208.
"When you placed your love upon another woman, even though your wife had obtained a divorce, you transgressed the seventh commandment." Ibid. 212.
Thus, it is not right to marry a divorced person, unless that person has biblical grounds for divorce, i.e., their spouse has committed adultery.
2. If a man or woman has been divorced by their spouse on unbiblical grounds, and the person's spouse, perhaps years later, remarries or commits adultery, is the innocent spouse now free to marry?
Remember that the one act which can annul the marriage vows is adultery. If one's spouse has certainly broken the marriage vow in this way, the innocent spouse could feel free to remarry.
Ellen White Comments:
Sister White wrote about a divorced man (J). Sister White indicated that, since J's wife (K) had divorced him against his will and then herself gotten remarried, he now had a right, biblically, to be remarried.
"J did not put his wife away. She left him, and put him away, and married another man. I see nothing in the Scripture that forbids him to marry again in the Lord....
"He did not leave her, she left him.... When K divorced herself from J he suffered most keenly, and it was not until K had married another man that J married again." Selected Messages, volume 2, 340.
However, there is an issue here that we must not overlook. Suppose one has been divorced by his spouse, innocently, and the spouse initiating the divorce has not remarried. Jesus is clear that for the innocent spouse to remarry in this case would be adultery (Matthew 5:32; Matthew 19:9; Luke 16:8).
What, then, is the innocent spouse to do? "And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife." 1 Corinthians 7:10, 11.
If one innocently finds himself in a situation of temporary separation, or against his will is divorced by his spouse, there are two possibilities. Reconciliation, where possible, is ideal. But perhaps the other party is unwilling to reconcile. In that case, the innocent party must "remain unmarried."
Perhaps it does not seem fair, but sinful choices on the part of one person often cause unfair results for another. The Bible is clear. The only grounds for remarriage after a divorce has happened is in the case of the partner's commital of adultery.
As a Christian, a wounded spouse should be praying and seeking for reconciliation to become possible. There is a danger for Christians, when they find themselves in an unbiblical divorce, to indulge in hope that their divorced spouse will commit adultery so that they themselves will feel at liberty to remarry.
Consider this scenario. Two divorcees meet. Each has been divorced a long time, not on the grounds of spousal adultery, and perhaps before either of them became Christians. Now they develop a friendship and would like to marry each other. But the question arises, "According to the Bible, are we eligible to marry? Or, in God's eyes, are we still married to our former spouses?"
One of the individuals says, "Well, I would think that by now, my ex-wife would probably have committed adultery." The other says, "Yes, and my ex-husband is not a Christian, so although he's been unmarried all these years, I can't help but believe that he would have committed adultery somewhere along the line." The individuals may even engage in questioning and investigating to try to reassure themselves that their ex-spouse has, to all probability, committed adultery.
This is against God's will. One should not be hoping for an ex-spouse to commit adultery, but rather praying for reconciliation with that person. He should remember that, in God's eyes, he is still married to that other person, and thus should act as properly as a married person would act. He should not engage in familiarity with members of the opposite gender nor form anything like special friendships.
Only if it is clearly demonstrated that his ex-spouse has indeed remarried or committed adultery, should he feel at liberty to take steps toward remarriage himself.
3. If one has, without biblical grounds, been divorced and remarried, should he now try to return to his first spouse?
Returning to your first spouse after you had been involved in a second marriage, would not be right. Although written in the context of Moses' time, when divorce was more freely allowed, the following passage explains this principle.
"When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house. "And when she is departed out of his house, she may go and be another man's wife. And if the latter husband hate her, and write her a bill of divorcement, and giveth it in her hand, and sendeth her out of his house; or if the latter husband die, which took her to be his wife; Her former husband, which sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after that she is defiled; for that is abomination before the Lord." Deuteronomy 24:1-4.
4. If a person is currently in a marriage created contrary to the Bible rule on divorce and remarriage, must he break up his marriage in order to be received into the church?
As we will see, people need to exercise extreme caution in counseling others in such matters. However, no matter what the case, the church does have a responsibility to discipline members who commit willful, open sin. It should also recognize sincere, deep repentance and reformation of life if it is later evidenced on the part of the guilty ones. The following comments will further answer this question.
Comments from Ellen White and W.C. White:
Sister White wrote about a man (M) in a second marriage who had been divorced years before. Now, years later, the man's father and brother were pushing for him to break up his present marriage.
"I would say that his [M's] case cannot be improved by leaving the present wife....
"May the Lord help these poor souls [M’s father and brother] to remove spot and stain from their own characters, and repent of their wrongs, and leave M with the Lord.
"I am so sorry for the man; for his course is in such a shape that it will not answer to be meddled with, for there are difficulties upon difficulties. I would say that the Lord understands the situation, and if M will seek Him with all his heart, He will be found of him. If he will do his best, God will pardon and receive him....
"M may hope in God and do the best he can to serve God in all humility of mind, casting his helpless soul upon the great Sin Bearer.... I would gladly do something to help poor M to make things right, but this cannot be done as matters are now situated, without someone's being wronged." Letter 175, 1901. Ellen White, Selected Messages, volume 2, 341, 342.
Ellen White's son, W.C. White, later wrote about M's case, "Mother does not wish to take large responsibility in this matter, but she says regarding [M] as she has said regarding other men in a somewhat similar position, if they have thoroughly repented, if they are living such lives as convince their brethren that they are thoroughly in earnest, do not cut them off from fellowship, do not forbid their working for Christ in a humble capacity, but do not elevate them to positions of responsibility." Testimonies on Sexual Behavior, Adultery, and Divorce, 230.
It is interesting to note that although a person may repent and be brought back into the fellowship of the church, because of his past actions it is best that he not be placed in positions of responsibility. "At the close of this letter [quoted above] Ellen White personally inscribed the following words of endorsement: 'This is correct advice in such cases. Let him walk humbly before God. I see no light in giving him responsibilities." Ibid. 231.
W.C. White wrote of a married man (Brother G) who began to have an attraction to another woman. Brother G's wife divorced him. He then married the woman he liked.
They were married for many years. Says W.C. White, "They came to see the wickedness of the course they had taken. They repented of it very bitterly, and their brethren and sisters were satisfied that their repentance was genuine. They had three beautiful children growing up, and no one, as far as I know, encouraged them to separate. When the matter was put before Sister White, she did not encourage a separation, nor could she encourage any movement to exclude him from participation in the work of the third angel's message. In his later life he labored in a humble way in self-supporting work in the south.
"If persons living in the light of the third angel's message purpose to leave one companion for the sake of uniting with someone else, it is our duty to warn and reprove and discipline.
"If persons before embracing the message have entangled themselves, and afterwards have repented, confessed their sins, received forgiveness of God, and won the confidence of their brethren, it is better for both ministers and laymen to leave them alone, enjoying the forgiveness and justification which have been wrought through Christ, without undertaking to tear up existing relations." Ibid. 220, 221
W.C. White also wrote, "My own views regarding this matter [people trying to break up others' unscriptural marriages], which I believe to be in harmony with the counsel that I have heard mother give to individuals years ago, and which I believe to be in harmony with views of the leading brethren and the teaching of the Scripture, is that there is no blessing to come by our breaking up families who may have sinned or been sinned against before or since they embraced present truth." Ibid., 219.
W.C. White stated: "Sister White did not sympathize with those who took the ground that a person who had separated from a companion on other than Scriptural ground, and married again, that this second marriage must be broken up if they were to be accepted or retained in an SDA church.
"Sister White fully recognized that these people in most cases had sinned, that some had sinned grievously, and that they should not be accepted into fellowship of our churches unless that sin was repented of. Sister White did not accept the contention that such repentance could not be genuine without breaking the new bond, and making an earnest effort to return to former companions. She recognized the fact that in most instances a reunion with the parties formerly connected with in marriage would be either impossible or exceedingly unprofitable. She also recognized that the vows entered into in the second marriage called for such an action as was most merciful and kind to the contracting parties." Ibid. 223, 224.